Keys to Having a “Good” Divorce

Sometimes life’s journey take unexpected paths, and you may end up in a divorce. In the best-case scenario of divorce, spouses agree to part ways amicably and remain supportive friends and co-parents. This result is possible for those who are determined to make the most of their new path.

Divorce is a stressful period in a person’s life, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. While a friendly parting of ways may not be completely realistic, it is possible to have a “good” divorce. if you follow some helpful guidance for taking some of the pain out of the process and replacing it with positive, purposeful action to move forward.

Choosing an Uncontested Divorce in California

California has a mandatory six-month waiting period for divorce beginning on the date the petitioner files. During this time, the court encourages spouses to avoid court by crafting an agreement to settle all divorce terms with the help of their attorneys. Sometimes a professional mediator also participates in the settlement process by offering neutral, creative solutions to challenging problems. A divorce settlement agreement in California must include the following divorce terms:

• The equal division of the spouses’ marital assets and debts, including property, assets, accounts, and valuables
• A child custody agreement with child support under California’s child support guidelines
• An agreement on spousal support (alimony) if appropriate under the circumstances of the marriage.

An uncontested divorce avoids court completely since the divorce attorneys for both spouses navigate the agreement and bring it to a judge to review and sign. Avoiding a court battle also avoids the hard feelings that otherwise cause years of resentment and noticeable tension.

Show a United Front to Children

The effects of divorce on children are usually at the forefront of any parent’s mind during the legal process. When a marriage ends, most spouses feel the other is at fault. It’s easy to allow resentment toward the other spouse with colorful language and actions in front of the children or when talking about the other parent to the children. Instead of allowing children to witness a parent’s negative emotions toward their other beloved parent through parental alienation, it’s essential to form a united front in front of the children, reassuring them that you’ll all remain a family after the divorce. Not only does this strategy help children feel more secure, but it also sets the tone for the divorce process and the years to follow.

When co-parents remain civil and prioritize their children’s needs, they’re far more likely to communicate and compromise effectively throughout their divorce and as they raise their children later as a family in two separate households.

Gather a Support System

Divorce is a physically and emotionally exhausting experience. It’s not the time to try to take on everything alone. Instead, gather support from your family and close friends through the process and as you move forward after the finalization. Discussing your feelings and the details of the process you’re experiencing with a trusted loved one not only makes you feel better but articulating the experience helps you to see it more clearly and make better decisions.

A good support system is also important after the divorce, especially if you have children. Arrange back-ups for your children’s after-school pickup and transportation to extracurricular activities in case you have scheduling conflicts or are running late.

Communicate and Compromise Effectively

As difficult as divorce may be, it doesn’t have to be a battle. When you and your spouse can overcome bitterness and compromise during the difficult aspects of divorce, such as deciding on child custody days and the division of marital assets, it sets a better tone for further communication in the future—which is unavoidable if you have children. A civil and mutually respectful relationship leaves everyone with a different sort of happily ever after than you planned, but it’s still a far more positive outlook for the future.