What Does the Collaborative Divorce Process Look Like in California – And Is It Right for You?

Collaborative divorce is a voluntary legal process that allows you and your spouse to work together with a team of professionals, outside of the courtroom, to reach a mutually agreeable agreement. It’s rooted in transparency, respect, and a shared commitment to resolving issues without litigation.

Unlike a “traditional” divorce, where you might feel like you’re gearing up for a legal battle, collaborative divorce encourages open, solution-oriented dialogue and problem-solving. You and your spouse will be represented by your own collaboratively trained attorneys, but everyone makes a commitment, before your case starts, not to take your divorce to court. If either you or your spouse decides to litigate after all, the collaborative process ends, and your attorneys must withdraw from the case.

This structure creates a powerful incentive for both of you to stay at the negotiation table and work through even your most difficult issues, such as property and asset division, child custody, and support, in a constructive way. Key elements of collaborative divorce include:

• Privacy and Confidentiality- Your case will follow the mediation confidentiality clauses, which means that nothing you say or share in the collaborative process will be released. The only documents that become part of the public record are those documents that are required to move the case through the divorce process.  
• Voluntary Participation – You must both agree to pursue the collaborative process and commit to resolving your issues through this process, outside of court.
• A Participation Agreement – This legally binding agreement outlines the expectations of everyone involved, the disqualification of the collaborative team, what procedures the parties must follow in the process, and prior to terminating the process. The participation agreement outlines the commitment to providing full financial disclosure and a pledge to negotiate and engage with the collaborative process in good faith.
• A Team-Based Approach – In addition to your lawyers, other neutral professionals such as financial neutrals, family specialists, child specialists, and mental health coaches may be brought in to help navigate the most complex concerns in your divorce and to aid you in your participation in the process. As these professionals are neutral, they will be able to work with you and your spouse as opposed to a litigated model, where you and your spouse each hire your own experts. 

For many separating couples, collaborative divorce offers a more peaceful path forward – one that protects not just your legal interests, but your dignity and family relationships as well.

The Collaborative Divorce Process: Step-by-Step

If you and your spouse are considering a collaborative divorce in California, it’s helpful to understand how the process typically unfolds. While every situation is unique, below is a general roadmap of what to expect when you embark on this path.

1. Agreeing to Pursue Collaborative Divorce Together

This first step – deciding to pursue a collaborative divorce – is often one of the most emotionally important decisions that you and your spouse will make. In some cases, one spouse engages a collaborative attorney who will assist them in inviting their spouse to learn more about the collaborative process. This joint agreement signals a mutual desire to approach your separation with a mindset of respect, transparency, and shared responsibility.

Unlike traditional divorce litigation, which can quickly become adversarial, collaborative divorce starts with the belief that both of you can resolve your differences without turning into opponents. All decisions that are made in the collaborative process will be thoroughly discussed and will contemplate how a decision impacts each one individually as well as how it impacts the family. This doesn’t mean that the road ahead will be entirely without conflict, but it does mean that when conflict arises, you’ve agreed to work through it constructively, not through litigation. You will also have the support of trained professionals to work with you and your spouse through the conflict. You will gain tools that can be used in the future to navigate difficult decisions pertaining to family, extended family, finances, and your children. 

In some cases, one of you may be unsure about the process, and that’s okay. What matters is a willingness to explore all processes available to you together and an openness to the idea that a peaceful, dignified resolution is possible. This conversation might happen informally, or it may be facilitated by a therapist, mediator, or family law attorney who’s familiar with collaborative principles and may think it’s a good fit for you.

If you have children, the decision to go through a collaborative divorce also sets the tone for your co-parenting relationship moving forward. Choosing a collaborative divorce shows a commitment to minimizing the emotional fallout from your separation as much as possible and enables you to model cooperative problem-solving for your children, even in the midst of change. You will also learn new ways of communicating with your spouse, which you can bring into your future coparenting relationship. 

Ultimately, you must both agree not only to enter into the collaborative divorce process but to fully participate in good faith. This shared mindset lays the foundation for every step that follows. Your team will make sure that you and your spouse understand the process before starting your divorce and signing the necessary agreements. 

2. Hiring Collaboratively Trained Attorneys and Signing the Participation Agreement

Once you and your spouse commit to the collaborative process, the next step is selecting attorneys who are trained in collaborative divorce and aligned with its principles. There may be attorneys who state that they are collaborative attorneys, but without the proper training, they may cause disruptions to the process, make the process take longer and cost more, or cause the process to fail, as they just do not have the required paradigm shift of trained collaborative professionals. 

Each of you will have your own lawyer in this process – someone who will advocate for your interests, offer legal advice, and guide you through negotiations. But unlike in traditional litigation, collaborative attorneys are focused on resolution, not conflict. Their role is to help both of you reach an agreement that benefits you and the family as a whole without the threat of going to court. This enables parties to explore options jointly and reduces the uncertainty that litigation proceedings have. 

When you each retain your collaborative attorney, you’ll work together to sign a Participation Agreement, sometimes referred to as a Collaborative Commitment Agreement. This is a key moment in the process, as your agreement will outline the ground rules for collaboration and include several critical elements:

• Commitment to Transparency – You both agree to openly share all relevant financial and legal information. This enables both parties to make decisions with informed consent surprises and no withholding.
• Confidentiality – All discussions within the collaborative process remain private and are protected from being used in future litigation, in case it comes to that. This allows you and your spouse to speak openly through the process. It also protects both of you from having your personal information in front of the public. 
• Pledge Not to Litigate – If the collaborative process breaks down and one of you chooses to go to court, both of your collaborative attorneys must withdraw from the case. Your agreement will outline steps that you must take prior to terminating the collaborative process. Your team will make its best efforts to bring you and your spouse back to the negotiating table. In the event that there is an agreement to litigate, both parties must then hire new litigation counsel. This provides strong motivation for everyone involved to stay at the table and keep working together towards a resolution.

This agreement isn’t just a formality – it’s a powerful symbol of mutual trust and accountability. The agreement also outlines the expectations for the parties and all professionals in the collaborative process. The participation agreement sets the tone for respectful communication, problem-solving, and staying focused on long-term goals rather than short-term victories. By selecting collaboratively trained attorneys who understand the value of empathy and strategic thinking, you’re not just hiring legal help – you’re choosing guides who will help you navigate this transition with knowledge and care.

3. Assembling Your Collaborative Team

One of the most distinctive features of the collaborative divorce process is the use of a multidisciplinary team – a group of trained professionals tailored to your family’s needs, each with a defined role, working together to support you, your spouse, and your children through the process. This team-based approach recognizes that divorce isn’t just a legal event – it’s also a financial, emotional, and often parenting transition. As the saying goes, it takes a village.

Once you and your spouse have hired collaborative attorneys, the next step is identifying whether you would benefit from bringing additional professionals into the process. These professionals will also sign the participation agreement. These neutral, third-party experts are jointly selected and serve both spouses equally, without favoring one over the other.

• Financial Specialists – Dividing assets, managing debt, calculating support, valuing stocks, and understanding the long-term financial impacts can be some of the most complicated and emotionally charged aspects of a divorce. A neutral financial specialist brings clarity and objectivity to this part of the process. They assist you and your spouse in gathering financial information. Once the information is complete, they will provide both parties with a complete analysis, assist with your budgeting and forecasting. Your financial neutral will work with the attorneys to offer guidance on property division and spousal support, and model different settlement options and their potential outcomes. Because they’re not aligned with either spouse, financial specialists can often break through tension and misunderstandings that might otherwise derail difficult negotiations.
• Mental Health Professionals or Divorce Coaches –  Divorce coaches, who are licensed mental health professionals, help manage the emotional dynamics of your divorce, improve your communication, and reduce conflict as you go through this process. Each spouse may have their own coach, or you may share one coach who acts as a neutral facilitator or family specialist. These professionals can assist with identifying and expressing your emotions in productive ways, as well as help you manage your anxiety, anger, or grief. They can provide you and your spouse with new ways to communicate with each other. They can guide you to keep your meetings focused and respectful, especially when discussions become difficult. Far from being a sign of weakness, working with a coach is a practical tool for keeping the collaborative divorce process on track.
• Child Specialists – If you have children, a neutral child specialist may be brought in to advocate for their well-being and provide guidance on your parenting plans. They don’t take sides or make decisions for you, however, they may work with the attorneys and you to develop options to explore. They will offer insight into your children’s emotional needs and developmental stages and help you and your spouse create options that support their needs. They might meet with your children in a safe, age-appropriate way. The child specialist can help you develop parenting schedules that reflect your kids’ best interests and offer you strategies for co-parenting and communicating more effectively after your divorce. Having this kind of professional support can be especially valuable in reducing the long-term stress on your children, as well as your co-parenting relationship.

Your collaborative team works together to give you the tools and support you need to make thoughtful, informed decisions. Each professional plays a unique role, but they all work as a team to help you and your family move forward in the healthiest way possible.

4. Conducting Joint Meetings to Reach Agreements

Once your team is in place, the heart of the collaborative process will begin: joint meetings. These are structured conversations where you, your spouse, your attorneys, and other team members come together to identify issues, exchange information, and explore solutions. The team will set goals and guideposts and will design a structured process to aid you in moving toward resolution. 

These meetings are essentially the working session of your divorce – they replace court hearings and formal depositions with face-to-face discussions guided by the mutual goals you’ve laid out and the professional support you’ve built. Here’s what you can expect:

• A Collaborative Tone – From the outset, meetings are grounded in mutual respect. You’re both expected to communicate openly and honestly, and your team is there to help keep the tone constructive and to keep your case moving forward. Unlike courtroom proceedings, where positioning and strategy often dominate, collaborative meetings encourage creativity and empathy. 
• Agenda-Driven Sessions – Each meeting has a specific agenda, tailored to the topics at hand, whether it’s gathering required information, dividing property, setting spousal support terms, or discussing a parenting plan. This assists the team in determining which professionals will present at each meeting. This focused approach keeps the process efficient and productive, and ensures that your time and energy are spent resolving what matters most.
• Open Exchange of Information – Because you both have committed to full transparency in your participation agreement, these meetings involve sharing all relevant documents and preparation, and exchanges of disclosures early on in the process. This level of openness builds trust and removes one of the most common sources of conflict in divorce: suspicion and surprise. The transparency and joint exchange of information with each other and the team eliminate the need for costly discovery procedures used in the litigation process.
• Problem-Solving With Support – When disagreements arise, your collaborative attorneys and professional team are there to help you work through them, not by fighting, but by guiding you towards resolution and understanding. The team may help you explore options for resolving an issue, clarify your legal rights and obligations, or create settlement proposals that account for everyone’s priorities. The presence of your team allows you and your spouse to feel heard, supported, and grounded through even the hardest discussions.
• A Flexible, Personalized Process – Joint meetings take place on your timeline, not the court’s. Both you and your spouse play an active role in the timing of the process. This allows you to pace the process in a way that reflects your emotional readiness and the complexity of the issues at hand. For some couples, resolution can happen with a minimal amount of meetings, while others may require more time and support.

Ultimately, these meetings are where the work, the process, and ultimately the resolution happen. With guidance from your team, the meetings become opportunities to move forward intentionally.

5. Finalizing and Filing the Settlement Agreement

Once you and your spouse have worked through all of the necessary issues – property division, spousal support, child support, sharing of expenses, parenting plans, and any other matters unique to your situation – the next step is transforming all your agreements into a formal legal document: your settlement agreement.

This is more than just paperwork. It’s the moment your intentions, compromises, and decisions become enforceable under California law. It represents the resolution of your divorce, not as something done to you by a court, but as something you crafted with intention and care. The agreements made in the collaborative process serve as a blueprint for moving forward with your lives.

Your collaborative attorneys will begin by drafting the written agreement based on the outcomes you’ve reached during your collaborative meetings. Because both attorneys have been involved in the process from the beginning, the document reflects everything you’ve already agreed to, so there are no surprises or last-minute additions. The final agreement will be created jointly and will be reviewed as a team so that both spouses understand and agree to the terms.

The terms of your settlement agreement may include:

• Division of Assets and Debts – How assets will be divided, who keeps what, and how payment of debts will be handled.
• Spousal Support or Alimony – Amount, duration, and terms of payment, if applicable. If there are waivers of support, those terms shall also be included.
• Parenting Plans – Child custody and parenting, schedules, decision-making authority, and holiday plans that meet California’s legal standards. The agreement will also contain how you will resolve future disputes and how to handle changes in the future.
• Child Support – While you can outline terms and make additional agreements for shared expenses, these must be consistent with California’s guidelines, which prioritize the best interests of the child. The collaborative attorneys will make sure your agreement contains enforceable terms that are approved by the court. 

Your attorneys will ensure that all of your agreed-upon terms are written in clear, legally appropriate language and that they comply with all relevant California family laws.

You and your spouse will each have the opportunity to review the draft carefully and discuss any financial clarifications or concerns with your attorney. If you need to make any minor adjustments to the agreement at this stage, these can typically be resolved quickly and amicably.

Once you’re both satisfied with the terms, you will both sign the agreement, which will then be submitted to the court, along with the required legal forms to complete your divorce.

In collaborative divorce cases, you won’t need to appear in court. A judge will review your agreement, ensure that it meets all of the applicable legal standards, and – assuming everything is in order – issue a final judgment of dissolution for your marriage. In some cases, the team will hire a private judge to sign the agreement.

Once the settlement agreement is approved and the court enters the final judgment, your divorce is official. But the collaborative process doesn’t necessarily end there. Your team may still be available to help you transition into your post-divorce life, whether that means implementing new parenting schedules, addressing co-parenting challenges, or reviewing your financial arrangements as your life circumstances evolve. The only limitation is that even after the divorce is finalized, your collaborative team remains disqualified from going to court.

The finalization of your agreement marks the legal end of your marriage, but it can also represent a hopeful new beginning for you. With thoughtful planning and respectful negotiation, many individuals leave the collaborative process feeling not just legally divorced but also personally empowered to move forward into their new chapter. Many families will also experience an improved ability to communicate as a result of skills gained in the process.

When Collaborative Divorce May Not Be Suitable

While collaborative divorce can be a powerful alternative to traditional litigation, the collaborative process may not be the right fit for everyone. Understanding its limitations is just as important as recognizing its strengths, because your safety, stability, and future shouldn’t be compromised by a process that doesn’t meet your needs. 

Collaborative divorce is built on transparency, cooperation, and mutual respect. It also requires commitment from both spouses. If these core elements are missing, the process may break down – or worse, create further imbalance or harm. This process may not be appropriate in the following situations:

• A History of Domestic Abuse or Coercive Control – If you’ve experienced a pattern of emotional, physical, or financial abuse in your relationship, the collaborative model may not offer the safety and structure necessary to protect you through your divorce. You should discuss these issues prior to entering into a collaborative agreement. In some cases, power imbalances can attempt to silence you or pressure you into agreements that aren’t in your best interests. In some of these cases, court intervention may provide a more protective environment, with tools such as restraining orders or judicial oversight that aren’t possible in the collaborative setting.
• A Lack of Good Faith Between Parties – Collaborative divorce requires both spouses to be honest, open, and forthcoming in the process, especially when it comes to financial disclosures. If one person is unwilling to fully share information on their assets, income, or debts, or has a history of trying to hide this information, the process can’t function effectively. The participation agreement specifically calls for transparency, but if there’s a reasonable concern that one spouse won’t abide by it, the collaborative process can become a frustrating and even damaging experience. If both spouses have collaboratively trained attorneys and they have spent time discussing and evaluating the situation before signing the participation agreement, their attorney can advise whether the collaborative process is appropriate for them.
• One or Both Spouses Want a “Win” at Any Cost – The collaborative model is about finding mutual solutions and being open-minded about discussing options, not defeating the other person. If one or both of you are more focused on punishing each other or “winning” the divorce, the cooperative spirit necessary for success simply won’t be present. High-conflict divorces, where one or both sides are unwilling to consider compromise or approach issues constructively, often require the structure and authority of the courtroom to resolve. 
• Complex Legal Issues That Require Immediate Court Action – Some divorces involve urgent legal concerns, such as immediate child custody disputes, financial restraining orders, or emergency support needs, that require swift court intervention. Although temporary agreements may be made in a collaborative process, they require cooperation by both spouses. In cases where spouses can not agree and time-sensitive decisions are required, the couple may not be suited for the consensus-based nature of collaborative divorce. While some of these issues can be addressed creatively within the collaborative model, others may require temporary court orders or judicial oversight to ensure fairness and compliance in the divorce process.
• An Unwillingness to Commit to the Process – Collaborative divorce takes time, emotional investment, and a genuine commitment to problem-solving and creating agreements. If either spouse is unwilling or unable to fully engage in collaborative meetings, communicate openly, or follow through on agreements, the process can stall and ultimately fail. It’s important to be honest with yourself and your spouse about your readiness and ability to engage in the collaborative process. If you’re not sure, a conversation with a collaborative attorney can help you weigh your options and determine the best path forward.

Collaborative divorce is not about avoiding conflict – it’s about handling it differently and resolving conflict rather than increasing it. But that only works when both people are on the same page about their intentions and approach. If that’s not the case, other legal avenues may better protect your interests and help you move forward with confidence and the resources that you need for a secure future.

Next Steps: How to Begin Your Collaborative Divorce Journey

A collaborative divorce isn’t just a legal process – it’s a choice to handle a deeply personal transition with dignity, intention, compassion, and care. While it requires cooperation, it also demands clear boundaries, strong advocacy, and well-informed decisions. An experienced collaborative attorney and a strong collaborative team can make all the difference in helping you preserve what matters most to you – whether that’s your finances, your co-parenting relationship, or your emotional well-being.

If you’re considering collaborative divorce, you’re already taking a meaningful first step towards a more respectful, thoughtful way to end your marriage. The journey ahead may still feel uncertain, but with the right guidance and support, your path can be one of clarity, control, and constructive resolution. At Moradi Neufer, we understand the challenges you face and we’re here to guide you through them with strength and compassion.

Contact us now to discuss your collaborative journey with our knowledgeable attorneys.